names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
