Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
