I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
