Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what day is it and did you see me today?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
