What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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