my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
