that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
