I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
