just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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