remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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