There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
