This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
All I want is dick and wine.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea