If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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