Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from