There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.