Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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