2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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