I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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