I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
