I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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