he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
