My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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