i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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