Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
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17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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