Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
