those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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