U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
