Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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