he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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