My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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