You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize