We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
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I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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