Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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