why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
