i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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