I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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