So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
