I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What a dumb baby whore.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
