rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
