OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
