someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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