he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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