I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
