On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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