can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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