i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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