Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
