you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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