I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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