and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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