I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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