is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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