the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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