Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
