let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
