ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
