I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
