Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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