i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
