I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
