i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
