I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
