there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
