"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
