dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
