i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
