I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
we should paint friendship bongs
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