im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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