I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
