before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
