Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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