found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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