At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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