lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All the doctor said was why
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
