I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
