You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
