he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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