I'm jealous of your bromance
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
