I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize