All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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